I asked for Forgiveness
not small forgiveness, as an act upon me. 
but big Forgiveness
for the power
to possess the ability
the gift
the talent
the skill
of Forgiveness
within myself. 

like an item on a wish list
like a line on a letter to Santa
like a gift in my shopping cart

i asked.

to have Forgiveness
for them.
for her. 
for him. 

I often say, I don't know how
i didn't take a class in it
i haven't quite mastered it
I need it given to me
so I asked for Forgiveness. 
and waited. 
but nothing came.

 

I prayed for Forgiveness
for a veil to put upon me
like a coat I can wear so I can feel it all differently
so the world can be the same
with all its harsh winds
and hot days
but just a little more tolerable for my sensitive skin
because as it is,
I step outside
and all I feel is anger and rage
unfairness and pain
so I prayed for the coat
for Forgiveness. 
to protect me from the elements. 
and i waited.
but nothing came.

 

I begged for Forgiveness. 
I sat on the sidewalk
I drew on my cardboard sign
and I asked everyone who passed by
strangers
friends
anyone
to drop Forgiveness into my cup
whisper the secret
tell me what to do
because I can't quite live like this anymore. 

I tried with logic
I tried with reason
I tried with putting myself in their shoes
and thought maybe if I understand

if I just understand

maybe I'll be able to do this forgiveness thing
just like everyone else

 

I was approached by a girl
and she leaned in real close
and she whispered real soft

"I don't think it's a talent or a skill. 
I think it's the result
I think it's the outcome
of something within."

and as she walked away
she handed me glasses
they didn't look like Forgiveness
and they took no skill or talent
to put them on. 

"what are these?" I said. 

"I think they might show you what you're looking for," she replied. 

"are they Forgiveness?" I hoped.

she smiled at me, in a kind way. 
a way that told me I was wrong
but that I was still accepted. 
"do you think you'd get the result
without putting forth the effort?"

I shrugged and sighed.

"no, they're not Forgiveness," she said.

"they're Compassion.
you have to do the work
to get to Forgiveness. 
but these will help you along the way."

so I put on Compassion
and I saw things quite differently after that. 

even fruit born of the same vine ripens in its own time.  

even fruit born of the same vine ripens in its own time.