love is kind of a big deal. it's the basis of all we are supposed to know and believe. it's the lens through which we are to see the world, and it's the foundational principal we all build our lives on. out of love we are born, and into love we must grow. Jesus was brutally honest about what love is, how to love, and what love looks like.

love is kind of a big deal. and lately i kind of suck at it.

 

i was impatient with someone last night. he asked me a question i thought everyone in the world knew the answer to, and i grew impatient in my response. i was agitated and heated. i was incredibly impatient.

but love is patient.

when i responded to him, i was sarcastic. i am but a small woman, and sometimes all i have are my words -- and i can use them well. so i did. i drew my sarcastic fist like a weapon, and i punched straight to the heart. i saw in his eyes that he knew my weapon was meant for harm, not good. it was meant to be mean, not kind.

but love is kind.

i was jealous of someone last week. i was jealous down to my bones that they dare received the recognition i so rightly deserved. i went on to divulge my thoughts about how rightly i deserved that recognition. i described in detail all the ways i deserved it, and then plainly presented all the logical reasons for the misplaced recognition. and i was proud of the explanation i came up with, because even i was convinced that the root of my jealousy was not pride.

but love does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud.

it took me four sentences to get angry at her today. i can usually keep it  at bay for longer than that, but today she did not stand a chance. i slipped into the thoughts of all the ways i felt i deserve to be treated by her, and i got even more angry. and as my anger quickened, i remembered every pain she has caused, every fight she has been the center of, and every kind word she has never said to me. i tallied them up in my head and scorned her for each tick mark.

but love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

the truth is "blessed are the peacemakers." the truth is "turn the other cheek." the truth is "forgive as your Father forgave you." the truth is "pray for your enemy."

evil says "karma is a bitch."

but love does not rejoice in evil; it rejoices with the truth.

lately it has been hard for me to love. it has been a challenge to extend kindness and patience to people who don't measure up in my book. it has been hard to forgive. it's been a challenge to choose love.

i have failed at love lately.

 

but love? it never fails.