For all of those times you've cried yourself to sleep, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not reminding you that your Father's love runs deeper and holds more security than any earthly kind of love.
The love of a mother who loves alcohol more than you. She can help it- but it has a stronghold on her life that Satan gets much joy from. He also gets much joy from you, sweet girl, thinking that you aren't valued- not even by your own mother. These are all lies. She DOES love you; unfortunately it is tainted by the alcohol, but the love IS there.
The love of a father whose words are empty. You are important, desired, and valued. No matter how often he will give you empty promises- don't let the desire to be cared for eat away your sweet spirit inside. God, the Father, cares for you deeply. He has dreams for you. He loves to hear you laugh. He likes to see you dance in your recitals. He gets joy in hearing your stories at night. When you feel sick, He brings comfort and healing- opposed to laughing at you when you can't control your upset stomach. I know that its painful to hear stories and see other little girls get wrapped up in their daddy's arms- that you desire so badly to have a man fight for you. To protect you. To build you up. To tell you that you're beautiful. In the midst of the hurt and pain of being let down- You've been missing the whispers of the only Father's voice who can actually bring life to these desires.
The love of boys who have yet to become men. In Satan's attempt to tell you that your own family doesn't really love you... that other things are more important, you've sought the love and approval of anyone that might begin to fill that void. Forgetting to look up, you looked to the boys around you- desiring to be heard and cared for. These boys didn't intentionally mean to hurt you; I think deep down they did care about you the best way they knew how. Unfortunately, even though they knew how to throw out the right phrases and comments leading you to believe they were striving to be Godly young men, Satan knew what could satisfy them more than a broken little girl who needed more than they could give. Satan won that fight one too many times. But listen carefully sweet sister, you had a choice to stand for more. To know your value and expect nothing less than a God fearing man who would win your heart and lead you to the throne. Instead, you somehow enjoyed this little game of needing these boys to need you- all for the wrong reasons. This is a path of destruction and God has more for you than this. So, this is when I step in and tell you- wipe your tears away, suck it up, and get back in there. This time, don't be deceived by boys pretending to be men. You will know a man of God, not by his words but by his fruit and the words spoken of him by those in his life. God, your Father, has so much more in store for you than what you think you deserve. Allow Him to lead you there.
These people who are called your "family" by the world's definition of family do NOT define who you will become. You have a huge calling on your life. To be something far greater than anything that you've ever been told you'll become- you are a daughter of the one true God. You will carry his name to many other misinformed girls just like yourself. Make sure to never forget where you've come from, share it without shame- God is using it to transform others. To give them hope that they too, have hope in a much greater calling on their lives. That Jesus is so much sweeter than any earthly kind of love. That his blood puts all of that hurt you've been through into perspective- it's ultimately not about you. Never ever forget the God you serve, and why you have the story that you do. It's about the goodness of a savior who will always come through for his children, in his perfect time.
I know there are still many more years of hurt and pain ahead of you, and believe me, it sucks. Your tender little heart can't always handle it- but please please don't let the bitterness take away your compassion and love for others. Chin up. You are a fighter like no other person I know. And if I can give you any glimpse of hope at all, it's this: it's so sweet to be right here standing in the very place that the Lord has carried me to. A place of peace. A place of understanding. It doesn't all make sense why things went the way they did, but what does make sense is how God is going to use it for our future. It's for His name's sake.
Always remember to reflect Christ in the best way you know how, it's the only thing that gets you through some of the worst years of your life so far.
Praying always, little one.
"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -Psalm 16