It’s silly to me that the only words I want to say to you are “Thank you” because it is essentially me thanking you for your entire existence, something you are not necessarily responsible for. I want to thank you for your soul, your heart, your joy – the things which you did not create. Truth be told, Bitter and Angst looked pretty good on me. I was really funny as an always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride kind of girl. The loneliness helped me create good music, good writing, and good art. Heartbreak gives way to so many words, and blank pages didn’t stand a chance against me. Yet I think I always knew, deep down, that you would show up somewhere.
But I followed in the footsteps of my foremothers, the scorned women who came before me, and I dismissed your entire gender. After what felt like the millionth break-up, I wrote one simple verse and then stopped writing for months:
"The first I lost to another love, the second is now a bust. And every one after has proven still that none deserve my trust."
And then I was done. I was done writing. I put the pen down and closed the journals. I was done listening to my heart because it had bad hearing, apparently. Every man was just a boy walking around in grown-up clothing, each with the same desire: to get in, get out, and get on with his life.
And then you bought me flowers.
And you waited three dates to kiss me.
And you complimented me with phrases like “life-giving” and “a treasure to be cherished” instead of objectifying comments about my physical appearance or capabilities.
And you have gently handed me your secrets and trusted me not to break the heart that comes with them.
I have been proven wrong. And I normally hate being proven wrong.
It’s not that I needed to believe in men again – I don’t think that’s the point. The point is that I believe in my own worth again. Your love has shown me my own worth.
I can’t help but giggle when I hear other people talking about love now. They have no clue what they are talking about and I really feel bad for them! There’s no way on earth anyone else feels what we do; it is perfect and imperfect, at the same time. I feel like we are the only ones to have ever been in love like this.
I love the way you love me because not only does it prove that not all men are evil, it also proves that good is all around.
I love the way you love me because it makes me feel brave, without abandoning my own sense of strength.
I love the way you love me because it makes me feel strong, without ever making me question my own resilience.
I love the way you love me because it shows me what love actually is, without dismissing my own ability to love.
I love the way you love me because it shows me how Jesus loves me, without distracting me from Him.
And now, once again, I have so much to write about…
Thank you for the chance to be proven wrong. I’ve never felt more alive.